hope for porn addicts
August 21, 2016

I was addicted. Viewing porn started to affect my “real life” – but there’s hope!

My Testimony

It all started for me at a pretty young age. It was all innocent enough. My neighborhood friend found his dad’s stash of Playboys and he showed them to me. Naturally, I didn’t plan on being addicted.

However, like all addictions, it started small and snowballed out of control. It started with Playboy, but when that wasn’t enough, I started looking at Penthouse, when that wasn’t enough I went to harder and harder material. I tried

When the internet came around it was over, I could look at whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Make no mistake about it, I had some bad fetishes. Pictures of homosexuals were not out of the question, even though I never went down that road in “real life”. I just wanted to see two or more naked people engaged in sexual activities. Viewing porn started to affect my “real life”. I would be late to places because I was masturbating. I had many partners and starting acting out some things I was seeing. I didn’t care who the person was as long as I was getting what I wanted. I ruined marriages because I slept with married women with no remorse (at the time). I felt lonelier and lonelier with each partner. I no longer knew who I was. Then I started to really hit the bottom.

One drunken night at the bar, I had unprotected sex with a girl I met there. I ended up getting Chlamydia. I had to leave work early one day because I hurt so
bad. My mom drove me to the emergency room where I found out what was wrong. How embarrassing to have to tell my mother that I had an STD. To be
honest, that day scared me to no end. What if it was some other disease that wasn’t curable? What if it would have been AIDS?

I called my friends who are born again Christians. I asked if their offer to take me to church was still open. How excited they were!!! They said “Of course!!” I started to go to church with them and even answered an alter call. I didn’t feel any different though and started right back down the road of sex and porn.

One day, a few months later, while I was on the internet surfing through some really hardcore pictures a voice said to me “This isn’t how you are going to find a wife and it isn’t how you are going to be a good dad someday”. I later found out this voice was the Holy Spirit talking to me. The Holy Spirit knew what it would take to talk to me as I had always dreamed of being married and having children. I had all but given up on that dream. However, I actually listened to that voice this time. I clicked off the internet that night.

A few days after that I went on a train ride with my friends in Titusville PA. After the train ride we stopped in Meadville to eat. As we were enjoying our meals I started to tell them about my addiction. How I couldn’t get porn out of my life. My friend said to me “All you have to do is admit your sins to Jesus and accept him as your savior.” Right at that moment I did just that! From that moment I was forgiven for my sins!!! If you think that is the end of my story, you are very mistaken! My story was just beginning! I started to go back to church. This time it was different, I wanted to change! I was willing to repent! Everything started in small steps. The first was getting baptized and sharing my story. Next was throwing out all the porn magazines and DVD’s. Next I threw out all the extra “stuff” I collected from all the different partners I had.

The next thing shown to me was I needed to stop drinking. When I got drunk I would do things I wouldn’t do otherwise.

One of the hardest things to give up was using my phone to “sext.” I kept that one girl in my phone. That one girl I didn’t tell about my decision to follow Jesus to, just so I’d still be able to flirt over the phone. I was finally convicted of it and told her I could no longer do that.

Another thing I gave up later was a “self made” sex tape. I figured it was me in the video so it was alright. I was wrong. I threw that out.

I also realized I couldn’t use the internet late at night when no one else was around. I also deleted my MySpace page because it was too easy to find porn. There were other little steps along the way.

I was starting to finally be content with being alone. That’s when God put a special woman in my life. We met at membership classes for the church. I was afraid to be in a relationship because of all the things I had done in the past. I told my future wife everything within three weeks of knowing her. Telling her if she wanted out, that would be the time. She didn’t leave. We began taking premarital classes with a couple we met in membership classes. We did this before I even asked her to marry me. Also during the time we tried our best to abstain from any sexual contact. It wasn’t easy! Luckily we had mentors to turn to. We also decided not to move in together until we were married. We were married in December of 2008. In January we were given the news that my wife was pregnant and in September my little boy was born!!! I adopted her daughter as well!!! The things I always dreamed about!!!

During that time I still continued to grow. As I was dating my wife, I had a meeting with one of the pastors and he helped me break the soul bonds I had created with all my past partners. I also threw out anything in my house that reminded me of old girlfriends, even if they weren’t sexually related. Later I started to use Covenant Eyes on my computer with my wife and an accountability partner getting the reports in their e-mail. When I would slip I would tell my wife before she even got the report (On a side note, if you slip, DO NOT GIVE UP, ask God for forgiveness, repent and start fresh. God will forgive you).

The next step was finding a group of guys who get together once a week for accountability. We are truthful, non judgmental and loving. I also went on a church retreat called “Cleansing stream” that helped get some of the “leftover” stuff out of my life. Another thing I have been working on is masturbation. Oh how I struggled with that when I first came to the Lord. I thought it would never be out of my life. I was taught, through my accountability group, that it can be defeated! With God’s grace I have gone a long time since I last slipped on this front. I hope to have this problem conquered completely one day! Oh, and the porn problem hasn’t been much of a problem lately but I will continue to take steps to make sure it doesn’t come back into my life! I am also working on lustful thoughts and changing my thought process.

It took years for me to get to the point I was at and it took years to change that. Please don’t be discouraged by any setbacks!!! 1 John 1:9 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. The most important things it took for me to come as far as I have:

  1. I admitted I had a problem
  2. I asked God to help me through the work Jesus Christ did on the cross
  3. Transforming my thoughts
  4. ACCOUNTABILITY! Both on the computer and face to face.
  5. Taking small steps
  6. A continuous will to want to get better
  7. I found a good church to help me

A great wife helps too! I don’t know if I will ever be 100% cured in this lifetime. However, I have come a long, long way since I gave my life to Jesus in October of 2007 and with the help of Jesus Christ I will continue on my walk! You can be free too!

John 8:34-36: Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

What does it mean to be free? Some things I learned about freedom:

  1. I don’t have to worry about anyone finding a “stash” of porn magazines.
  2. If my daughter wants to use my computer, I don’t worry about her finding a history of porn sites.
  3. If my wife needs to use my phone I know she won’t find any dirty pictures.
  4. I don’t have to hide any DVD’s when friends and family come over.
  5. When I die, I don’t worry about what will be found in my house.

Those are the tangibles. There is so much more to freedom that has to be lived out to understand! YOU CAN DO IT!! There is FREEDOM indeed!

National Center on Sexual Exploitation

Founded in 1962, the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) is the leading national organization exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation such as child sexual abuse, prostitution, sex trafficking and the public health crisis of pornography.

Further Reading

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