August 20, 2012

Losing it all at the end of life because of porn

You may think it’s harmless, but it damages everyone involved: the porn stars, the people who watch it, and the families and loved ones of the people who watch it. It may be exciting, but it slowly and subtly makes the rest of life more boring. It doesn’t just desensitize people to sexual things, it becomes a focus that begins to take priority over things that should matter in life.

I watched a man slowly over the years slip into a depression that only porn could alleviate. There were days when he didn’t even get out of bed – just rolled over in the morning to watch some porn to get his heart rate up enough to feel like he wasn’t going to die. Every little tiny thing he did seemed like a huge accomplishment – his focus had been trained to narrow until only the finest detail of a single task would bring satisfaction. He took two years to remodel a bathroom that would have taken me a day or two. His brain had become trained to function in only one way. Imagine a very lazy obsessive compulsive disorder accompanied by sexual perversion.

Pornography oozed out of everything he said or did – not that he was open about pornography, but that everyone around him could tell what was on his mind by the way he talked, what he focused on, and the things he did. Even his grandchildren began noticing that they felt icky when grandpa talked to them. It got so bad that his children stopped bringing by the grandchildren, and his wife nearly left him.

He had started as a dedicated father, motivated military man, and a faithful member of his church to a failure to his wife and children, an alien to his grand children. He even developed type-2 diabetes that may have been preventable had he gone out and worked and exercised. He ended up becoming a secret nighttime transvestite who loved to watch homosexual and transvestite porn.

He would demand odd sexual favors from his wife – things that really hurt her feelings. He had unrealistic expectations placed on her – expecting her to perform like the dirtiest transvestite porn stars. He became thoroughly convinced that she was worthless if she didn’t perform and that he could go out and find better (and the ideal was now a braindead transvestite with absolutely no inhibitions and a severe drug addiction – if only he could find one).

It sickened everyone around him to see him in such a state. A once powerful role model to everyone around him – now a fat, lazy addicted, psychologically destroyed waste

Watching this guy made me reflect on my own situation and potential with porn. And the funny thing is that you know you have a problem because you shouldn’t do it, and you can’t help it. You know that you don’t want to get caught being trashy. But you don’t realize all of the damage it causes until after you’ve gone cold turkey for awhile, and have assessed your current situation. Just like you can’t expect to be able to do all of those cool moves on the Matrix, and you can’t expect that the stuff in the video game Halo is even possible, you can’t expect your fantasies to come true in the sex movies either without becoming severely illusioned and losing everything else in life that’s good.

In religion, they refer to it as the chains of sin or selling your soul. One positive thing about all of this is that the guy I was talking about is that he’s on the road to recovery. Not through a 12-step program, but largely on his own. It probably helped that his computer became outdated, and eventually broke.

He also found a fantasy that was worth pursuing. He recently said, “Do you realize that there were days where I didn’t even get out of bed? I was really messed up.” He has lost about 80 lbs and has about another 80-100 to go until he’s back into the 190-220 range. He’s getting out and is being more productive. His grandchildren, children and wife still suffer, but are also tolerant as he improves. Who knows how long it will take him to repair himself or if he can ever completely repair himself.

Sometimes he probably wishes he could slide back a little instead of constantly trekking up that steep and arduous hill to recovery, but he’s doing it. And in the process of doing it, he’s building up his tolerance to hardship and his will power to avoid all addictive behaviors. I think one of the biggest deterrents is knowing how something so unimportant and simple can make people so completely dependent and can rule their life. One expert on pornography once said that it’s wrong to compare porn to a drug addiction – instead, drug addiction should be compared to porn addiction.

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