In this presentation, POSARC (Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center) founders discuss some of the reasons a partners’ porn use shatters not only our self-esteem, but cuts right to the heart of our identity.
We’ll talk about how not taking his porn use personally is one of the hardest lessons we’ll ever have to learn, but we must if we are to survive and not get bitter and sick ourselves.
We’ll talk about why it is so important to find support. In the hyper-sexualized climate today, we are being told not to object to porn use, or we risk being called prudes, selfish, controlling, demanding and uptight or frigid. It’s imperative to find support so you can find your voice/your integrity in this issue.
We will also talk about the pain of finding out your husband (or partner) is looking at women (or girls) so very different than most of us, and why/how that can be devastating for a very long time. Same holds true when we find he’s got a penchant for an ethnicity we will never, ever be.
ABOUT THE PRESENTERS
Lili is an ordained Interfaith Minister with a passion for spiritual counseling as well as being a supportive coach with a specialty certification in addiction recovery. When porn/sex addiction showed up in her own long-term relationship some years ago, she threw herself into learning everything she could about this addiction. Though the discovery phase—learning about her partner’s porn/sex addiction—and the difficult years following were among the most painful of her life, she was also blessed with great healing and growth on this journey, which she now shares with her coaching clients through PoSARC.com. Her opus of work reflects her deep spirituality and connectedness.
Terre is a non-fiction writer who has served on the advisory board of the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence and currently serves on the Atlanta Jung Society Board of Directors. Additionally, she specializes in coaching for partners of addicts with an emphasis on emotions at PoSARC.com. The study of emotions has been a life long passion.
When her partner’s progressed sex addiction led her to the brink of suicide, she attended 12-step meetings but felt her wounds becoming exacerbated by being labeled a co-addict, a not-so-implicit blame being placed upon her for his addiction and behaviors. Although she enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow partners, she eventually broke away and studied everything available about sex addiction and PTSD, then started the first-ever trauma-model support group for the partners of sex addicts/compulsives. She ardently campaigns for women’s rights in a number of arenas.
Together, Lili and Terre co-founded PoSARC (Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center), an online resource to help those in partnership with their porn/sex-addicted significant others to gain access to the tools and insights which they themselves had desperately wished that they had during their ordeals.
Instead of labeling the partners of porn/sex addicts as co-addicts and co-dependents, Lili and Terre treat those who come to them for coaching as trauma survivors. Porn/sex addiction is a relational trauma and often occurs repeatedly, creating compound wounds in the partner. PoSARC is dedicated to providing supportive coaching with compassion, understanding and tools to guide hurting partners through this incredibly challenging life experience.