January 30, 2017

I Lost My Best Friend, My First Love, Because of Porn

Personal testimony from a woman who submitted her story to be shared with others.

We met and immediately hit it off. We talked, supported, encouraged one another. We both had insecurities and past hurts. I had absolutely no idea what it was he was hiding. We got closer and a little over a year we started developing deeper feelings. We both said I love you, but he couldn’t commit.

He was becoming more and more agitated. Up and down. He couldn’t sleep, he was depressed, suicide thoughts came and go. He would describe himself as “coming apart at the seams.” He kept saying he wasn’t good enough and he was not the person for me. He constantly told me he was fighting demons.

This went on for months. He would one day say I love you, the next day we needed to slow down.

I’m not sure what happened, but one day he tells me we need to not talk so much that we were too attached, the following day he asks me if I would be his girl.

A week later I get a letter while I was out of town and had no access to a phone telling me he loved me and that he was addicted to pornography.

He promised me it would never get between our relationship and he was going to do whatever he needed to work through his addiction and he wanted me by his side to do it.

It wasn’t a week later and he ended it because he thought he was ready but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. We didn’t talk for 4 months.

When we started talking again it was nice. He had been working on a program to fight his addiction to pornography, but it wasn’t long before he stopped doing the program.

He is back to not sleeping, depressed. He’s angry and mean. He is a completely different person. His outlook on women is demeaning. He used to be very respectful and honoring. He was pure hearted and sex was a beautiful thing. It is now raw and savage. He talks like women are objects and easy. He is very hateful and angry. He wants to be loved, but no one is good enough. He is constantly looking for the next girl.

Pornography stole my best friend and turned him into someone I don’t even know.

He’s left home where his family insisted he deal with his addiction to a home where they are unaware of the problem. He wants nothing to do with anyone that has been in his life for awhile. He refuses any relationship with his parents. Hasn’t talked to his best friend in months. Left his church and when we talk he thinks I am telling him what to do and that I am “better” than him. He’s paranoid, angry, depressed, and the list goes on.

All because of his addiction to porn that began at the age of 12. It breaks my heart.

Porn steals peace, joy, love and happiness.


Have you or a loved one been impacted by pornography or other forms of sexual exploitation? You can share your story, to be shared anonymously, here:

National Center on Sexual Exploitation

Founded in 1962, National Center on Sexual Exploitation is the leading national organization opposing pornography by highlighting the links to sex trafficking, violence against women, child abuse, addiction and more. The organization changed its name from Morality In Media to the National Center on Sexual Exploitation early in 2015 to better describe the organization’s scope and mission, which is to expose the seamless connection between all forms of sexual exploitation.

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