dating porn addict
December 3, 2016

Dating a Porn Addict

Years ago I met a handsome young man, who was an adorable father of a four-year-old son. In a short time, I learned of his painful journey living with a sexual addiction. It had begun quite early in his life, when he had been exposed to pornography and other sexual behaviors through a friend at school.

At the time, he was very vulnerable from feeling abandoned by his father who had left their family when this young man was only six-years-old. Because of this, it was difficult for him to see that the excitement of viewing pornography and participating in these sexual behaviors was just a temporary distraction from his painful feelings about his life and himself, and would eventually lead him to more pain from involvement in destructive behaviors that would ruin his future happiness, opportunities, and dreams for a healthy family.

At about 21, He ended up getting a 19-year-old girl pregnant. They married because of pressure to do so, but divorced several years later because of his going to prison for acting on his addiction when he was sexually inappropriate with four-year-old girl. This young man lost many opportunities to progress academically, in his career, and personally–such as being able to choose where he would live–because of his involvement in porn. He also lost out on the joys of having the healthy family life he seemed to want so badly. His opportunities were destroyed by his addiction to sex and porn.

When I met him, he was still troubled by the effects of his actions that were prompted by his sexual addiction which was brought on by porn. We were unable to have a healthy relationship. He was still dealing with the after effects of his divorce. His ex-wife was still dealing with the effects of being married to a porn addict. There was stress and pain from the fragments of his previous married life, as well as the continuing impact of his addiction.

Within several years, when his boy was about six-years-old, he got another younger woman pregnant. At that same time he was still trying to convince me he wanted a relationship with me. He once again dropped out of school, which he’d been back into for a year or so, in order for him to take care of his responsibilities as a dad for the second time. Last I knew he didn’t care about the mother of his new child, but he married her anyways. The effects of his addiction have not only hurt him but also his children and the children’s mothers, etc., and have basically perpetuated the vulnerability for addiction to all those he has affected–be it women he dates, women he gets pregnant, the children he has, and especially any other victims of his sexual behaviors.

We as a society cannot remain ignorant or complacent about the destructive and harmful effects that can stem from even a mild exposure of pornography. If we do, we will be allowing many more individuals to experience suffering and pain, especially those vulnerable. If we continue to push aside concerns about pornography, hoping it will keep us from facing the terrible realities created by the ugliness of pornography, we will soon wake up to an even worse nightmare which we cannot escape through our imaginations. It takes action now to help those entrapped already and those at risk of becoming entangled.

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National Center on Sexual Exploitation

Founded in 1962, the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) is the leading national organization exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation such as child sexual abuse, prostitution, sex trafficking and the public health crisis of pornography.

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