I don’t want this addiction – Ben

Since the time I got involved in porn, as an addict, it has twisted my expectations in ways that I am ashamed to say. One of the first things that happened was that, when I was a teenager, I molested one of my nieces. I thought it was okay that I do that, but I didn’t see what else was going on. I honestly believed that she would be unaffected and that I could be unaffected, but other behaviors where to follow.

I think one of the first things I realized, after I managed to give it up for a few years, was that I was making the girls that I met into a sexual object without them even knowing it. I started to treat girls in fashions that they found to be creepy and was banished from two businesses because I had felt that the girls that I was attracted to in both of them would like me if I kept coming around. I was treating them worse as I kept getting in deeper, treating them more like I had seen men pick up girls in every flick. My own self got swallowed up inside.

I was able to shake the addiction again for a while and, during that time, got married to a wonderful woman. It wasn’t too long before the addiction came nipping at my heels again and, still, although it’s not at a consistent interval at all, I find myself unable to be intimate with my wife in the way I want. I want to make it so that she’s the only one I think anything sexual about, and I cannot figure out what more I can do to get this thing shaken forever. I don’t want this addiction, I hate it.

– Ben

The Numbers


NCOSE leads the Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation with over 300 member organizations.


The National Center on Sexual Exploitation has had over 100 policy victories since 2010. Each victory promotes human dignity above exploitation.


NCOSE’s activism campaigns and victories have made headlines around the globe. Averaging 93 mentions per week by media outlets and shows such as Today, CNN, The New York Times, BBC News, USA Today, Fox News and more.



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